Crocs are not a shoo-in

It is time to ban Crocs.
Two doctors in my neighborhood regularly go to work in Crocs. Imagine being in the middle of a surgery and glancing down to see party shoes at the ends of the chief surgeon’s scrubs.
Besides, they have holes in the tops. If you’re going all in with those surgical tools, I don’t think you’d want Crocs covering your feet.
They wouldn’t do much covering, if you get my drift.
Crocs aren’t comfortable for walking. They don’t support your arches. And worst of all, they are just plain ugly.
Before a bunch of Crocs-lovers attempt to chase me down for saying that — and I bet they’d struggle — I would like to remind everyone that it is extremely illegal to come after your friendly neighborhood humor columnist with sharp pointy objects.
Anyway, I wear Asics running shoes, so I’d probably outrun most of them. At least, I hope I would.
I admit Crocs are fine for going to the beach or the local pool, but that’s about all they’re good for.
If they were really worthy shoes, I’m sure we’d see them more often on TV or in advertisements.
I can’t remember the last ad I saw where people were wearing Crocs.
You see perfume ads where ladies wear gorgeous ballroom gowns. You see lawn care service ads where men in flannels do battle against massive trees.
Not a single person in those ads is wearing Crocs.
Not only are Crocs unstylish in the ballroom, but they are also not the sort of shoe you’d want on your feet while tackling a particularly evil oak tree.

You may argue, quite reasonably, that advertisements don’t reflect society’s real values.
But do you see businessmen wearing Crocs? Of course not. Those gents need to make deals every day to be productive.
I don’t know about you, but if I saw a guy in a suit and Crocs, then no matter how dapper he looked, I would not lend him my money.
I would not lend money to anyone wearing Crocs, with the single exception of Warren Buffett.
But Mr. Buffett probably wears better shoes than Crocs. Just saying.
Regardless of what shoes Warren Buffett wears, I hope he would agree that Crocs are a public nuisance.
Sneakers are the way to go. And if anyone from the Asics corporation is reading this, I am totally willing to get a lifetime supply of running shoes in exchange for advertising your footwear.
Sure, sneakers don’t go well with dresses or skirts. They squeak on waxed floors. They’re heavy.
But can Crocs light up when you stamp your feet? I thought not.
Admittedly, my running shoes do not light up when I stamp my feet.
But maybe it’s time for a shoe revolution. It’s time that adults got fun light-up shoes, too.
And if Crocs put out a line of glow-in-the-dark Crocs… maybe, just maybe, I’d consider wearing them. If Mr. Buffett recommended them, that is.

Copyright 2025 Alexandra Paskhaver, distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.