My home state of Texas has recently become a national punching bag for politicians and pundits after Mother Nature gave the Lone Star State a giant frozen wedgie in the form of a week-long record winter storm that caused widespread suffering from power outages, water shortages and the closure of most Mexican restaurants.
Speaking of Mexican food, much of the problem stemmed from the failure of electrical utilities managed by an organization known as ERCOT, which is also a noise I sometimes make after I’ve had the Burrito Supreme Combo meal from Taco Bell. Apparently, the power grid couldn’t find its rarely-used long underwear in time to avoid the embarrassing ravages of lingering frigid temperatures usually restricted to more arctic regions – like Oklahoma.
And as CNN has gleefully made sure you’ve heard by now, Senator Ted Cruz inadvertently provided more ammo to Texaphobics by making a politically-damaging escape to Cancun with his family during the crisis, presumably to keep from going completely Jack Nicholson-bonkers as the lone representative of the dude gender trapped in the house with his wife and two pre-teen daughters.
As a father of three teenage girls myself, I must admit that after a few days of witnessing their boyfriend withdrawal symptoms and acute TikTokaholism, I caught myself fantasizing about stowing away in Ted’s carry-on luggage.
On the coldest night in my part of the state, the temperature reached an unprecedented -5°F (that’s Fahrenheit to readers not familiar with the biblical temperature scale). And although the good Lord spared my family from any real harm, we did experience frozen water lines to two sinks and one commode in my daughters’ bathroom, which meant that my own private restroom time was constantly at risk of interruption by a mob of pets (as usual) and various adolescent girl children.
Since the roads were iced over, and I don’t own a vehicle designed for navigating harsh terrain to retrieve a deer carcass, we were relegated to domestic pursuits – namely eating. Fortunately, I had joined the frantic hoards at Walmart in the days leading up to the storm, stocking up on necessities laden with carbs, artificial flavors, nitrates and other deliciousness.
Copyright 2021 Jase Graves distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.